rain before the rainbow

Maybe I am bringing this up now because I am quite frankly in a bad mood. I'm not a fan of the subcaller in our district who called me and said I want you to work job A and when I call back her back she just says no, I don't need you anymore - good bye great 4 day job. Even without that, this topic is something that has been on my mind for a while.

So I am unofficially done with my NFP training. I have one more Saturday scheduled but that is more of a tie-up loose ends and distribute materials day so I don't expect much instruction. The whole time I was going through training it was very difficult to talk about some aspects of NFP. I am blessed with an NFP-only doctor which I have been seeing for around 4 years now, but that doesn't make everything perfect. He is a great doctor and truly believes in the Catholic Church and all of its teachings on fertility etc. so I know I am in great hands and I don't have to try to explain/justify my reasons for not going on the pill.

I guess it is not his fault that I chose to do things the hard way. I chose to have surgery (which discovered and removed endometriosis) and I thought that way I would be "cured" of all the pain I have experienced over the years. Well that most certainly has not happened. I can remember at least three instances, since the surgery in August, when my husband was so concerned for my well-being that he wanted to take me to the emergency room. I said no because I knew this pain and that, besides giving me large amounts of pain medicine, the doctors were going to say "it's just cramps" and there's really nothing we can do. What makes this worse? I have painful ovulations as well and I'm pretty sure I tend to have cysts that burst. Yesterday I woke up in ovulation pain but it went away pretty easily so I don't think anything burst this time.

So why am I writing this post? It's not to get pity, it is that I am completely frustrated and wondering if anyone has heard about different ways to reduce pain? I have called my doctor and he said that can happen and it's just how your body works. Well the whole reason I had the surgery was to diagnose and get rid of pain! I got a second opinion from a holistic doctor who wants to put me on a progesterone cream. He used to have me on a really high dose for most of my cycle (it is natural progesterone, not progesten so the time you can use it is extended). But that messed with my charts - some incredibly early peaks that were not predicted from my signs and could have meant I would be blessed with motherhood a bit earlier than expected. It also left me sleepy and I just don't like the idea of being on hormones. I don't know what to do next besides get pregnant which is probably not too far off (Lord willing) but not in the next couple cycles either.

Back to the beginning, it was incredibly hard to talk about all the "health benefits" of NFP while in training. Yes it helped me diagnose that I had endometriosis, but sometimes I feel like my health is worse and I would have felt better on the pill. Anyone have another idea I can try? I'm already working out and watching what I eat but it just seems to get worse. It is to the point that all I can do is lay down and have my husband coach me through relaxation techniques while I have a heating pad on my stomach - maybe this is my introduction to using the Bradley method of natural delivery.