truly pro-life

There is nothing more exciting than being open to life and where it leads you. Today it led me to the priviledge of watching my 10 wk old neighbor all day while her mom had to go back to work. Her mom is a school teacher and has different people watching her each day for the 14 days she was required to work, then she gets to be home for the summer.

Well we had a great morning so I thought we would go out somewhere and boy is it exciting getting all the attention a newborn draws! Everyone comes up and smiles and the world is a nicer and happier place. That is all the argument or experience I need to be pro-life. These babies are our future, and even if we are not their mothers, we have a responsibility to take care of them and the world around them. Maybe it is for this reason that I try to stay out of the political and look more at the social aspects of being pro-life. What are people thinking and why? How can we show what great blessings children are and how much the world misses the ones that were taken?

I guess today I just need to share a smile and time with a precious little girl. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Responsible Living

There are many different views of how to start a family. Some say leave it completely up to God. Some say they are ready to get married but definitely not ready to parent so they go to a doctor and get a prescription and some might think about it entirely too much. I really can't say which one is right and I believe all will argue that they are trying to follow the guidelines they believe make up responsible living. While I may be on the "conservative" side of leaving the topic open to prayer and God's guidance, I haven't felt led that way yet.

People and strangers have now really started asking the baby question. I have been married for a little while and I don't even have a full time job so I should cut my losses in the professional world and have babies now until things turn around. At least that was one comment I got. Only that just accounts for finances (or lack of my own) and not my physical or emotional/spiritual health. In my own version of responsible living/parenthood here are some of the things I have adapted to my lifestyle to prepare mind and body for future motherhood:


1. diverse eating habits - before I might say I had fruits and veggies but they were always the same two or three. I have broadened my horizons to squash, cabbage, asparagus, berries, nuts, brussel sprouts, and some I can't even name. That is a bunch more than broccoli and carrots and apples and bananas.

2. more consistent exercise - I'm not going to say how much because all you exercise fanatics will laugh, but it's more than before and that is a start.

3. Doctors appointments among doctor appointments. I want to make sure I am healthy before trying to sustain another human being. These appts included:
1. Neurologist and EEG - check ups from a surgery done in 1999
2. Routine Physical - check blood levels etc to make sure I don't have nutrient deficiencies and that I'm taking the right supplements
3. A bunch of other appts I thought I could get out of the way including an eye exam and trip to the dentist and then second trip for a filling.

Wow, that seems like a lot and I'm only taking care of myself. Hopefully my emphasis on NFP and knowing about my body will help when I feel a call to motherhood and, even if I am part of the 1 out of 7 couples who experiences infertility, I will know I did all that was in my power to prepare for the physical demands of motherhood and even conception. If there is one thing I know from learning/teaching NFP it is that conception is not a right - it is a gift.

If you haven't guessed yet - I have a lot of doctor's appointments this week and I'm trying to convince myself it is worth all the hassle :-)

A Healthy Diet

In the past couple years I have gotten a lot better at eating veggies and staying away from sweets (sometimes). I am by no means a nutritionist or dietitian but I have tried to make some of the easier changes - snack on fruits instead of chips and add veggies to the dinner menu. Hopefully all this means I am living a healthier life.

Another "healthy" aspect of my life that I mostly take for granted is my knowledge of my cycle. I have seen how some menu and supplement choices have increased the length of my luteal phase and generally balanced out my charts. I also know that this lifestyle choice helps prevent me from putting more chemicals or pills in my body that are unhealthy. I bring this up because I was just reading in a book today that the "pill depletes fertility and pregnancy nutrients, including folate, vitamins A, B6, and Zinc."

The short excerpt on the pill also confirms that yes - many women are ovulating within the first couple months of coming off the pill and 95% by the end of the first year. Many women can get pregnant right away. On the other hand, those nutrients are pretty important for mom and baby so it might be a good idea to wait a while before trying to conceive.

Hopefully reading books like this will help me with my first ever NFP class that I will teach starting next month. You never know what questions you will be asked so I'm trying to catch up on some reading before I start so I will know lots of good resources to turn to for help :-)

Friday Reflection v. 1 n. 3

After this week I am left with two main thoughts

1. I am truly blessed with a privileged life. I don't have a lot of job responsibilities and I am surrounded by people who greatly appreciate the little things I actually do.

2. Everyone is important.

I guess I already know everyone is important. Many people as well as the Bible and other religious books from many religions will teach that in one way or another. It is one thing to read it but it is entirely different to be hit over the head with it. For the past 4 weeks I have worked in an Autism classroom. At any given time, there are about 8 students in the room with a few others in regular classes. Each student is different and each student had a lesson to teach me in my four weeks (today is my last scheduled day although I could get extended).

One student came in with a smile and a goofy personality every day. He helped me take time to relax and play make believe for just a couple minutes before getting back to work. Always there was hope in his eyes that he would have a great day with lots of fun.

Another student was more like Eeyore. Talks slow and keeps his head down. He helped teach me the importance of speaking to everyone kindly. If you lost your patience and demanded he answer - he would shut down. If you worked with him he spoke loud and clear.

There are so many other beautiful and insightful lessons my students gave me. They were a joy to be around and a huge pro-life statement. Even the low-functioning can have truly joyful moments and can be proud of the progress in something as simple as standing unsupported for 20 minutes. If you pay attention, they will teach you the important things in life. Even though I wouldn't wish a disability on anyone, I respect and appreciate what they bring to the world. I'm glad there is no pre-natal test to get rid of them like with down-syndrome and sad to know how many babies we are missing because of that fact.

Sanctity of Human Life Weekend

As I said last week, I went to D.C. for the March for Life. I'm not usually into crowds or protests but I felt God calling me to go so I listened. It was an interesting experience, but I don't have an emotional testimony to give from it. Here are a few thoughts from the entire weekend. And a picture that can't even begin to show how many people showed up. Estimates I heard - 450,000!

1. I'm glad I read this post about loving others. Our bus stopped at a second location to fill up (although there would be two seats vacant the whole way). I went with one other person who is very tall. His friend canceled making one seat available which he claimed so I sat across the aisle from him. It came down to the last person getting on who could choose to sit next to me or up two rows next to another young woman. I was tempted to stay put on the outside seat and force him to ask someone. He was tall and didn't look like my new best friend, but I decided to stand up and let him in before he was forced to ask. And I learned more from him than I did from anything else all weekend.

2. As much as I appreciate the political aspect of this fight and informing voters so we can elect pro-life leaders, I don't feel called to protest. There were some negative signs that just looked critical to me. Even though this march is known to be the most peaceful and respectful, there are still harsh criticisms on signs that I don't appreciate and believe most pro-choicers feel the same.

3. What will help us? Truth and love. My favorite signs were ones that said things like "Love them both" we are fighting for children - not against people. While I don't agree with abortion policy, yelling at people who support it is not going to change their minds. Giving a loving message on the beautiful miracle of conception and life might lead them to start thinking either now or in the future. I hope to plant seeds of love and I'm trying to think of more ways to gently do that.... Anyone have some suggestions?

Discernment

This past weekend I went to yet another NFP meeting. We heard one of the established teachers present her research on the topic. She presented on the process of discerning your family size and I thought it was great, especially since it was something I needed to hear.

She used a St. Ignatius exercise to discern whether or not to try to postpone or achieve pregnancy - ultimately it is out of our hands. She didn't give a handout yet (we will receive them soon), but this is what I remember.

Step one: Don't do this while ovulating - not that we girls would ever bring up a subject like babies unless we were 100% objective ;-)
Step two: sit down and think about it logically, weigh pros and cons
Step three: simplify question into something that can be answered by a strong yes or no
Step four: quiet yourself and listen (this could take days/weeks)
Step five: check to make sure the answer is in line with Church teaching because God wouldn't go against that

I bring this up because
a) I had done something similar to this exercise the night before at adoration and got a strong response to wait and without that I might turn into the nagging wife who "knows" when to have kids and just needs to prove that to her husband.
b) Wouldn't this be a nice piece of information that priests could hand out when the topic of NFP comes up? It goes a little further than just saying the couple needs to seek God's direction and go with that. This way we don't get the extreme responses on either end as well as some concrete steps a couple can take.

Two messages, one story

In college, I really started to like satire. I loved Voltaire and appreciated the way he boldly wrote about current Christian trends. I was so impressed that I even attempted to write and turn in satire as a final paper. That is the only D I have ever received on an important assignment but it was worth it (I still got an A in the class). To explain a little further, it was for a world religions class in which I was required to make up my own religion. Well, anyone that knows me well has probably heard the story, but I think it is worth saying again.

I basically wrote in the intro/abstract that I had a religion and did not wish to create a true religion (probably where I lost all my points) so I took parts from most of the religions we learned about and wrote more about how many people practice it. I pulled from Catholicism, Protestantism, Judaism, etc. but everyone worshiped the same thing - CHOCOLATE. Not that I like chocolate or anything ;-)

In society, I see a lot of people (including myself at times) so focused on their life and their goals that they in a sense become their own god. Not that we would do this consciously, but our actions say "I can do this by myself, I have a supernatural power to accomplish all goals" The definition of religion for this class was that which deals with the supernatural. I wrote write in my paper that since we had been inspired to make the chocolate that we worshiped, we were actually worshiping ourselves. I don't think my professor appreciated that viewpoint of religion, but I was trying to write what I saw without going against my conscious and actually creating my own religion.

Now, why have I thought about that paper again? Interesting question, and it might be hard to follow my reasoning. I'm not sure if anyone has seen the show "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC but I have a couple of times. I originally watched one because I didn't know how that could be possible. With NFP, I am taught so many signs and am in tune with my own body enough to know for certain I am pregnant (whether I experience some bleeding during my pregnancy or not) within a very short time span. I argue that the show is a satire for the pro-life v. pro-choice debate. Women didn't want to be pregnant and were using "protection" to keep that from happening. What happened was not expected since labor is usually confused with cramps, indigestion or appendicitis. Yet as soon as the women give birth, they are only concerned about the health of their baby. This show points to me that so many times we debate the intellectual that we forget the emotional and physical attachments between mother and baby. A time that is so beautiful and sacred, that once these women give birth they couldn't imagine being without child. Shouldn't that part of the story be talked about more?

My mind must have wandered a bit this week....when have you found inspiration in an unlikely place?

Precious Little Ones

As a substitute teacher, I am blessed with the opportunity to interact with tons of different people. The past two days I was in early intervention (birth - 3yrs). All these students had some impairment that qualified them for public school services at such a young age. We sang songs, played in an indoor jungle gym and completed a craft. Many students needed hand-over-hand help and some couldn't walk even though all of them were at least 18 months old.

They were adorable! Yes some cried - a lot. Yes some just didn't want to do anything, but I found them absolutely adorable. There was even a set of twins! I hope I get to sub there again. Every time I work in special ed I am just filled with joy. All the parents (especially of the younger students) are a true testimony for the sanctity of ALL human life. There are tests done to find abnormalities in the womb (I know a number of these mothers knew about issues before their children were born) and, when they are found, abortion is laid out as a option. Thank God all these mothers chose life. Their children are a lot more work (they don't reach milestones like crawling without the help of physical therapists) but they teach so many lessons to everyone. I truly appreciated my time with them.

Today I go off to my other job - holiday helper at a bookstore (it will be about 8 days total this year). Here's to hoping I won't spend my entire paycheck before I even leave the store!

Intentionally NFP

Well there has been a big to do in some places about how to use NFP in a morally licit manner. Many comments say go to your spiritual director, pastor or priest. Well I know that the Catholic Church teaches NFP is the only acceptable approach to spacing children, but not all priests adhere to that. I for one was shocked when I went to the priest who was presiding over our marriage ceremony said not all couples are "mature" enough for this method. He knew we were planning on learning NFP and he still wasn't encouraging it? How can I go to that person and ask to use the method correctly?

Needless to say, my husband and I were feeling a bit lost and confused in the beginning of our marriage (mostly me - he had more confidence in our discernment process). Were are reasons just? Who could help us out if not our NFP instructors or priest? And then you read some NFP dialogue and they say "being newlyweds" is not a good enough excuse...well I'm pretty sure I used that one for a couple months. In my defense, I had never shared a bed (at least as long as I can remember) and it took me a couple months to have a full night's sleep. Plus there are so many other adjustments that correlate with "being newlywed" so in my head that just summed up all the parts.

Moving on, I thought I would write a post on my take in this debate. First of all, I think any couple mature enough to get married is mature enough to use this method. Marriage is about communication and mutual self-giving. NFP enhances both. Secondly, I agree that "just reasons" need to be discerned by the couple and will be unique to their situation. With that being said, I can't judge if any particular couple is using the method correctly but I have found myself asking a few questions as a guide.

Is my reason selfish? I say this to remind myself that I should be making the decision based on what is best for my family and future children. If it is just because I want something or don't want something, then I am not thinking about family.

Am I truly open to life? NFP is all about being open to life in that you don't artificially avoid conception but there is a difference between physically being open to life and mentally being open to life. Would I be happy if I had a baby in 9 months? This question I ask without all the qualifiers of the next and most standard question...

Can I support a new life physically, financially, spiritually and emotionally? This is the only question where I find it appropriate at times to say no. Yes I am married and my husband and I would love to have kids, but right now is not the time for us based on all the needs this new life would have. We are working toward better meeting those needs so I know I am not being selfish and I would lovingly accept a child if God gave us that gift right now. However, lovingly accepting the Church's teaching on NFP does not mean we all have to race to see how many children we can have as soon as possible.

Waiting vs. Avoiding

I have to admit that I have gotten to the point in my marriage when people have declared we are past the "newlywed" phase and with that comes questions about children. I don't know if I was deaf to it in my first year of marriage, but the topic seems to come up a lot more than it used to - even with strangers. I was guest teaching in a classroom last week and the teacher said "avoid as long as possible" which made me stop and think.

If children are such a blessing, why must we avoid? Doesn't that word just sound wrong? I'm starting to realize how much wording can affect attitude and perception. If something needs to be avoided - it must be bad somehow. People want to avoid children so they can go on trips and live their lives because once the kids are here its over right? It's all about them. Now, I don't have personal experience with this dilemma but it just doesn't sound right. It paints the picture that I will be a servant to my children, not in a Christian love kind of way but in a "do as you're told" scenario. I'm just not sure if two year olds can handle that kind of power, but I'm getting away from my initial point.

Waiting vs. Avoiding

Esentially it looks like the same thing, but is totally different in my mind. Right now my husband and I are waiting to have children for a number of reasons that give us concern about our ability to provide all the needs of our child. My life doesn't look any different than someone is avoiding children. I hope my mindset is a bit different, but it is hard to know for sure. Question of the day: are we giving/getting bad advice to avoid pregnancy/children? And to follow that up: How do we prepare for kids if mentally we have to go from avoiding to accepting and loving children?

I'd really like some feedback and answers if anyone has some. The best I can say is that NFP has helped me contemplate the whole "openess to life" idea and how far that extends. I know it is part of my life and something that will hopefully help me ease into parenthood a little easier. I look forward to children being part of my family life and enjoying that time not "getting it over with." I can't predict the future or know that everything will be perfect, but I know that my family (husband and I) are planning and anticipating the day when we can lovingly bring a child into our home.